Terms of use

1. This is satire

Processor Press is a satirical publication. Every story, headline, quote, image caption, and “report” on this site is fiction or parody created for humour. Nothing here is a factual news account, and none of it should be treated as reporting, advice, or a statement of fact about real people or events.

By reading Processor Press, you agree that you understand the site is entertainment. You will not present a story from this site as genuine reporting, and you will not rely on it for any decision.

Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are used for parody or are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or to actual events is coincidental or used for satirical comment.

2. Agreement

These terms apply when you visit https://processorpress.com, including any page that links here. If you do not agree, do not use the site.

We may update these terms. The “Last updated” date above is the current version. Continued use after a change means you accept the revised terms.

3. Use of the site

• You may read and share links for personal, non-commercial use, provided you do not strip the satire notice or present the piece as real news.
• You may not scrape, harvest, or republish the site in bulk without written permission.
• You may not attempt to break into the admin desk, overload the server, or interfere with other readers.
• Contact-form messages must be lawful. Do not send threats, malware, or other people’s private information.

The site and its contents are owned by Processor Press or its licensors. The newspaper look is part of the satirical presentation, not a claim that we are a licensed news publisher.

4. Advertising and third-party links

Advertisements, analytics, or social-share buttons may be served by third parties. Those companies have their own terms and privacy practices. A link or ad is not an endorsement, and we are not responsible for third-party sites or what they collect.

To enquire about a display placement, see Advertise.

5. No warranty; limitation of liability

The site is provided “as is.” Because the editorial content is satirical fiction, it is not warranted as accurate, complete, or current as news.

To the fullest extent allowed by law, Processor Press is not liable for any loss arising from your use of the site or from treating satire as fact. Nothing in these terms excludes liability that cannot be excluded under applicable law.

6. Contact

Questions about these terms: use the form on the About page.

Related: Privacy Policy.